Dearest P., I’ve been fantasizing about leaving M. to be with you. But I much prefer the fantasy, the “idea” of it all. The reality would be very difficult and painful in this very crucial time in my life. And the truth is, I can’t leave someone until I know it absolutely can’t work with [...]
A long time ago, I read a message written on a scrap piece of paper I found in a library book that said, “You don’t know how much you love someone until you’re faced with losing them”. Recently, I lost that someone. For the first time since our turbulent relationship started, I found myself at [...]
“Deep contentment is the visible sign of love. Contentment, the deep satisfaction around him… his every breath, his every movement, his very being, content. You may be surprised when I say to you that love makes you desireless, but desire comes with discontent. You desire because you don’t have. You desire because you think that [...]
Pain. Wailing, screaming, crying, pain. Before I told him it was over, I listened to him recount his painful childhood of emotional and physical abuse. I heard him yelp like a small animal that had been stepped on as he choked back his sobs. He said all the abuse that he suffered in his youth [...]
Sunday, February 21, 2010
I understand I’m derailing from my latest kick, which has been to splay my sexual-addiction moral inventory online, but I have a problem with an immediacy that can’t be ignored. I’m in love, and it hurts. When you start thinking about lining up about a hundred tea lights around your bathtub, replicating the suicide-scene from [...]