Dearest P., I’ve been fantasizing about leaving M. to be with you. But I much prefer the fantasy, the “idea” of it all. The reality would be very difficult and painful in this very crucial time in my life. And the truth is, I can’t leave someone until I know it absolutely can’t work with [...]
A long time ago, I read a message written on a scrap piece of paper I found in a library book that said, “You don’t know how much you love someone until you’re faced with losing them”. Recently, I lost that someone. For the first time since our turbulent relationship started, I found myself at [...]
“Deep contentment is the visible sign of love. Contentment, the deep satisfaction around him… his every breath, his every movement, his very being, content. You may be surprised when I say to you that love makes you desireless, but desire comes with discontent. You desire because you don’t have. You desire because you think that [...]
Pain. Wailing, screaming, crying, pain. Before I told him it was over, I listened to him recount his painful childhood of emotional and physical abuse. I heard him yelp like a small animal that had been stepped on as he choked back his sobs. He said all the abuse that he suffered in his youth [...]
In the words of Krishnamurti. It’s a vast, cynical world, and cynicism can never tolerate affection, care, and love. I think that we have lost this quality–the quality of compassion. Do not analyze what is compassion, which can’t be analyzed easily. You cannot analyze love… Love is not within the limits of the brain. The [...]
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Sunday, February 21, 2010
I understand I’m derailing from my latest kick, which has been to splay my sexual-addiction moral inventory online, but I have a problem with an immediacy that can’t be ignored. I’m in love, and it hurts. When you start thinking about lining up about a hundred tea lights around your bathtub, replicating the suicide-scene from [...]